dr. macintosh will see you now

Two weeks and two visits to the Apple store has given me insight into Steve Job's business model for his retail shop: doctor's office.

Like a visit to your family practice doctor you are advised to make an appointment ahead of time with an Apple Genius. I make my appointments for 5:45pm, this should be enough time to get to the store after a long day of work. But, riding on the bus I feel stressed about not getting there in time: What if they tell me I'm too late? What if they can't see me today? Will my Mac survive? How will I make it through the weekend with this problem?

Walking into the store I hear U2 playing overhead. Impressive pieces of technology are neatly arranged about the office, the shop is spotless and without a speck of dust. An employee is wiping down the stainless steel beam, like an operating table.

It is 5:40 when I walk up stairs, early as requested. A girl is walking around taking the names of those in line, a clipboard is replaced with an iPhone. "Oh hi Josh, the Genius is running just a little behind and your wait will be a little longer than expected."

25 minutes later my name is called. I can now see the Genius.

"Hi Josh, what seems to be the problem?"..."My hardware is making some funny noises when it wakes up and gets started. It randomly crashes and makes another wheezing noise, then I start seeing spots on the screen"..."Ok, hmmm, ok, well, let me turn it over and we'll take a look inside. Now, turn and cough"

At this point, the Genius walks away and is gone for at least 15 minutes. I suspect he is taking a smoke or playing Doom on a PC.

The Genius returns, "The problem was your memory was not seated correctly. I gave it a nice little push and that should clear things up. If not, we may have to schedule a follow up and run some diagnostic tests."

It's 6:45 and I am on my way home, relieved. At least it wasn't a virus.